To Call or Not to Call?

Rosalinda dearest,

You have proven yourself a worthy adversary- its tearing me apart and I give up- you finally won the rights to a call, but I don't know whether it will be the old or the new me, with whom you will be speaking.
 

Can we please do this Saturday? 

Hopefully my head would've been purified of all the residue from the working week's torments.

If you've ever felt anything the way I still do for you, don't second guess... kindly cut me a forty-eight hour slack.
And thanks for being an understanding darling.
 

I will be loving you forever!:-)

Love.. Ill-fated and Twisted

On what preamble can I even begin writing this story of ill-fated love, twisted as it has turned out: and set two souls apart?

How, and from which point of reference do I begin to apologise and absolve myself of past iniquities?

How misdirected my approach to the search it turned out, when the clue to my precious find was so near?

Temptations.... To Open a Can of Worms

Wow wow wow!!!

You employ a combination of persuasive charm and allure in your arsenal. How can I resist? I'm trying so hard... now.

The temptation to call yesterday was so overpowering I had to put myself to bed very early.

This bridging of the gap is so tempting of fate- - my fear is founded, that I might become addicted to you knowing very well the change in your circumstances. It will be Star Avenue on another level altogether and I'm so afraid I will fall at your feet and I can't turn back.

Forgive me for saying this and sounding oversensitive- for all these years I have loved you in absentia: based on fairytale hope, without you being physically present-- my heart sank to its lowest ebb when I finally saw your picture on xxxxxxxx and checked out your profile, I cried my heart out for days, knowing I was too late to make it back into your life.

I decided not to contact you at all for fear of what might come up- and for days unend my mind started playing games with me, you filled up every thought pattern and space in my memory- I saw the sights and heard the sounds we had once shared at Star Avenue replayed vividly before my very eyes-- I pondered and pondered and pondered over initiating contact, knowing very well the can of sensitive worms I was about to open; I was beside myself with grief, it was hurting so bad and it was all my fault- for if only I had let go fully without the peekaboo opening- but then what the heck, who was I kidding?

Your Fear and Mine; Our Fears

I can understand your fear and all, but... you cannot even begin to imagine the measure of my trepidation in this regard- its double-fold.

Sweet,
I'm twice as scared and thrice as fretting with the jitters, the thought of seeing you again, that I might not be able to control my emotions and the feelings that are more than likely to be awakened spontaneously from their long slumber, and the politically incorrect actions that I will be powerless to restrain.

I'm afraid to death I will hurt myself.

With a Sigh, :(

Mrs Rosalinda,

But no..., the last quarter of your message was truncated and I couldn't decipher the part where you mentioned fear.

I remember the years of Star Avenue gone by like a script I read just yesterday; the stills of the motion picture replaying right before my eyes- OmG!!, if you knew how much I adored you so deep in my heart, how much I longed and what I'd have given just to protect you-

Speak to me Linda, and as to thy thinkings... this long journey and the results of this search...

For I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages hence- two separate lives diverged in a woods, and.....

(at least in a moment of self doubt and sadness, there's somebody at the end of this divide who can inspire me )

No Longer English... Chikara, the Roots.

Sweet...:), with a caution....

In this direction I have inured myself to words of flattery so lately they fail to tickle.. solely in part to the fact that my grasp over the Queen's language has badly waned, sadly. That I speak and write English that good? I don't think so, well, seriously speaking. (Heartfelt apologies to Mr. Tutu-ani )

Is it true, or is it not? That I live around Kingsby roundabout? WOW!!... Word does go around quickly innit? Yes, used to. And No, not anymore . I relocated a long while ago; haven't been down the ends for a bit though I have one or two friends that I will need to touch-base with as of necessity. The opportunity hasn't as yet presented itself, I sure will when it does.

How long have you been resident in the Kingsby area?

Lets say three years ago I used to strut my stuff every morning in-front of the gates that housed me, and I was a common siting for all passers-bye that either drove in the comfort of their cars, or did the long walk from their homes to catch a commuter bus to their various destinations. I will bask in the glory of the early morning weather clad in a three-piece suit with a dread full of hair watching the throng make their way to work. I took delight, not in all the attention directed my way, but in the after effect and the chit-chats that will inform various conversations about a 'rasta man wearing a suit'..... something highly unusual in these parts. And I will flirt with all the beautiful girls and women that drove or walked past...... it was fun:) :) :).....

How come you never surfaced anywhere around?

I am the first Chikara, progenitor, the root of all Chikaras to be in Ghana; the kids I will sire will be the first generations. I have promised my self, they will be many, and be counted amongst the primus inter pares.

Please call me Chikara. I will be glad.

Missed.....

What Torments You, Rosalinda? Mrs?

My dearest Rosa,

What could it be, that bothers you this much?
As to thy thinkings, I guess, you can speak to me.... that is, provided it bothers not on terms of strict privacy.

How have you been ? Over the past few.... I've been doing myself a whole lot of good by keeping well.

I understand your anticipation of a reply to your mail- with over a decade of non-contact my anxiety level is up a notch just as well hearing from you..... but do forgive me though, lately my attitude has been a bit lax towards Facebook.

For the past couple, my mind has been fidgeting as my thoughts a-wander and reminisce the good old days of Star Avenue; the drifting nostalgia sometimes unbearable as pictures of the 'cute you' playback before my eyes... How I wondered where you were?????.. But thanks to social media.

For me, erghm...... a 'feel good' to hear from you is a bit of an understatement, cloud nine is even far from it.... just dunno. I can just try to sum it up modestly in the most common everyday statement that I Miss You........ and even moreso, and more everyday since we touch-based again.

I know you are looking forward to the cracks being filled in after all these years, so am I..... hesitantly, not really sure even where to begin....... or whether to even begin at all. Yesterday kind of took care of itself, today is pressing and tomorrow will be for another day. Confusing?? Hope not.

There have been quite a few people in my life that I've missed so much, and there will be fewer people who I will miss with a fervour; and now that you are a 'Mrs' it has boundaries, lol:).... just joking.

But you have been sorely missed with a fervour; truly from the deepest....... as I find myself falling short of words.

I Searched.......